Let's take a look at the facts:
Real Babies: You have to change their poopy diapers.
Dog Babies: I have to pick up their poop.
Real Babies: Have good behaviour days and bad behaviour days (the latter is often when you are meeting people for the first time)
Dog babies: Ditto. For example, yesterday, the boys met one of my friends for the first time on a long walk through Stanley Park. Mr. Mop was in fine asshole form. Pulling at his leash, jumping, nipping at my hands, chewing his leash. When he was finally off-leash, he ran around the park like a crazy, possessed beast. A woman stopped me to ask me if I was afraid of coyotes eating my dogs (ummm, now I am) and in that time, Mop snatched my toque from out of my hands, ran away with it and shook it in that way dogs do when they are killing their prey. He refused to give it back. When I made him, he nipped my finger. My friend called him a rascal.
Today? Perfect little gentlemen. He didn't pull on his leash, he heeled the entire walk, and no jumping. But of course for my eyes only.
Real Babies: Spit up on you.
Dog Babies: Just the other day, Brooklyn was asleep on my tummy when he opened his eyes, looked up at me, and promptly threw up on my shirt.
Real Babies: Have temper tantrums
Dog Babies: Oh god, so embarrassing. Once when walking down the Promenade on a sunny day with Manhattan in the background, Mop (of course) decided he did not want to go home. He went nuts. Barking, crying, shrieking, jumping at other people. I kept stopping him and putting him in the alpha roll but this only made matters worse. He nipped at my face, growled, cried. People stopped and stared. I even called the Engineer to come help me as I was on the verge of tears. So embarrassing. Then when we got home he fell asleep like a little kitten.
Real Babies: Get overtired and act out.
Dog Babies: See above. I know it's time to leave the dog park when Mop is so over-excited he turns into a douchebag.
Real Babies: Are sweetest when they are asleep.
Dog Babies: How many pictures can I possibly have of my sleeping dogs?
Real Babies: No matter what they do, you love them unconditionally.
Dog Babies: No matter what they do, you love them unconditionally.