Life with two dogs has sent me on an endless mission of finding ways to make the air around me smell nice. I am all about open windows, fans, and vacuuming on a daily basis. I also wash my sheets and couch cover (hooray Ikea) all the time, so I am fairly certain the Vancouver apartment smells un-dog-like.
I once got a plug-in air freshener, only because a cat owner friend of mine had one and her house always smelled so girly. But clearly I got the wrong one. Those things are horrid! Even plugged into the second bedroom with the door closed, the stench made it’s way into every room of my apartment and gave us headaches. In fact, the Engineer and I woke up in the middle of the night because of the stench. If a bad smell wakes you up, you know it’s bad. Or when you get out of the elevator and can smell your house? And the person in the elevator says ‘what is that weird smell?’ you know it’s time to ditch the plug-in ‘freshener’.
On our Cape Cod trip, we had some smell issues. Firstly, we stayed at the oh-so-not-luxurious Brentwood Motor Inn. They were one of the only places that took dogs AND that we could afford. At barely $55 a night, we figured out why.
Our first room was actually pretty good. Big and spacious, we were pleasantly surprised to find ourselves in a non-dump. But then we had to move rooms. To a very small, very stinky room. One with holes in the sheets and an air quality akin to that of what I imagine jail to be like. Let’s just say if we had this room the first night, we would have checked out the next morning.
Add two dogs to the mix? Two dogs who keep getting wet in the ocean/rain? And some digestive issues of too much fried seafood?
You have a problem.
So I went to find some air freshener. I was stunted in the ‘Stop & Shop’ cleaner aisle. Glade candle? This would probably be the least noxious option but we didn’t have matches. Air spray? Seemed like a good idea as I could use it in both the room and the car that was starting to smell of wet dog.
I picked Febreze because it seems cleanest. They had three scents: normal (but this was sold out), Clean Linen, or Moroccan Bazaar. I picked up the latter and sent a puff out to see how the bazaar smelled. I didn’t spray enough so did it again. Except this time I hit my eyes and face. After choking and wiping tears out of my eyes, I felt my cheeks smelled pretty good.
The description is this: “Inspired by the fragrance of fresh-ground ginger that fills the air in the spice markets of Casablanca”. Ooooo, sounds exotic. They go on further: “No need to fill your house with the heaping barrels of brightly coloured spices – just give it a spray or two.”
What is wrong with this picture?
You got it: it’s disgusting. I sprayed the car and then promptly got a massive headache with the sweetly smell. Ground spices my ass.
Then the Engineer looked at it and started to laugh. He pointed out that he was pretty sure a Moroccan bazaar stinks. Then he asked me why I didn’t pick the small Chinese store scent.
Not that a Moroccan bazaar necessarily stinks badly, but I am sure it isn’t exactly what you want your bedroom to smell like. It is comparable to a Chinese corner store. Ooooo, the smell of incense and bok choy will take you to the exotic streets of Shanghai. Let’s bottle that. Or let’s capture the crowded streets of Bangkok. Yum, the smell of hot city sewers and pad thai. Febreze should have the F Train during rush hour to take you back to your holiday in New York.
What was Febreze thinking?
On that note, what was I thinking?