Monday, August 3, 2009

The Naked Truth

I am not a naked person.

I do not come from a naked family.

It isn't that I am ashamed of my body or feel the human body is disgusting.  I just feel that being naked in public is weird and uncomfortable.  

I've tried the nude/topless thing.  Once in Portugal when I was 19.  My girlfriends and I were frolicking in the sea when we decided to do as the locals.  We whipped off our bikini tops and one of us carried them back to our towels on the beach.  It felt nice.  But then it was time to get out of the water.  I waited in that sea  holding my bare breasts until my friend went and got my bikini top for me.  

I feel my nudity and bare nipples are for me alone.

I do like to skinny dip.  So long as it is super dark and you cover your bits with your hands.  In Cuba, all my friends skinny dipped each night.  Including the Engineer.  I walked into that ocean fully dressed and told everyone to cover up.  

Tonight was a random affair.  It started with me watching reruns of the Golden Girls and ended with me saying, "This would be an enchanting experience if not for the disgusting water and smell of garbage".

So much happened from those two things:  going over to Little K's for a dip in her pool, walking to the beach to watch the sunset, convincing three random guys to play Frisbee with us, playing Frisbee, swimming (clothed), eating gelato, dancing at Aub's, back to beach, skinny dipping  . . . 

Needless to say, my friends and our three random guys who are in town for a physics conference (clearly they must be nice if they are Harvard PhD candidates) had a bit to drink to think skinny dipping at 4:30 in the Pacific was a good idea.  I did not want to miss out.  I also did not want to take my clothes off.

As they frolicked, Miss Prude (Miss Sober Prude) took off her dress and pranced into the ocean in her bikini.  But seriously, it was disgusting.  The ocean in Rainy City is never particularly lovely.  It certainly isn't after a night of fireworks in which 100 000 people attend and then a day of Pride parade and festivities.  The idea that I was swimming in garbage with mysterious floaties around my ankles grossed me out. How my friends were naked is beyond me.  After all, floaty bits could go into open body bits.  Ick.

I got out. 

I was the only dressed person on the beach.  Apparently my friends inspired those around us and suddenly this nice English Bay beach turned into a nude frenzy.  To add insult to too many naked bodies, the horrid smell of garbage lingered in the air from the crazy weekend tinged with heat wave.

I immediately went home, showered, SCRUBBED and can still sort of smell rotting banana peels in my hair.

I just have to face facts. When my friends think going for a middle-of-the-night swim in their birthday suits to the local beach is a good idea, me going home to a soft and warm bed is definitely not missing out on any fun.  

Clothed or unclothed.

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