I have two dogs.
I am embarrassed by them on a daily basis.
Here it goes:
1. Get into full elevator, tell Mop to 'sit'. Congratulate self on good master skills as the elevator says 'awwww, what a good dog'. Mr. Mop then proceeds to lick himself (loudly) in front of eight people.
2. When having a heart-to-heart at sidewalk cafe, dogs decide to pick fight with each other sending Brooklyn into high-pitched squealing with teeth bared as passersby stare on and moment of intimacy between friends is lost.
3. Take dogs to home of non-dog people, leave them in room while out believing they will behave only to come home to a ripped up carpet with chunks of it all over the bed. Mop poops carpet the next day.
4. Brooklyn decides to stop for a big poop at the entrance of Tiffany as hoity toity Japanese girls scream in disgust as they exit store with new jewellery.
5. Child sees little Brooklyn and asks if she can pet him. Seeing as he is terrified of children he cries and hides behind my legs. Mother looks at me with contempt.
6. Get off plane in Salt Lake City and decide to let dogs out of crate on way to connecting plane. Mr. Mop poops in front of two Mormons in the middle of Gate 12. Take dogs outside. Bring them back, go through security AGAIN (where their water is taken away and Brooklyn runs away when the stupid guard takes his collar off) and then Brooklyn poops as we head back to Gate 12.
7. Mr. Mop attacks puppy English Bulldog at park. Owner shoots darts at me. As I take him away, I hear another dog-owner say 'he was the first dog to attack my dog too'. Assholes.
8. Mop and Brooklyn gang-hump a dachshund.
9. Mr. Mop finds a tampon (unused thankfully) and chews it, only to spit it out in front of my contractor who is putting in my laminate.
10. Brooklyn drags out a pair of dirty undies to chew on while friends over for dinner. Proceeds to run in circles and bark when I try to take them away.