Thursday, May 31, 2007

Cardinal sin of an ex-server

Did I mention I used to work at weddings? Perhaps this is why I am such a bitter bridesmaid. Spending a summer of late weekend nights working weddings is enough for anyone to want to take a wedding cake and shove it up the bride's dress. It actually was a fairly fun summer - we were like a little troop of wedding soldiers that would sneak food when the bride wasn't looking, help ourselves to a cocktail or two if it was an open bar, and dance to the DJ's random mix of music from the 60's to the 90's.

There are few weddings that stand out in my mind - not for their beauty but for their sheer tackiness. There was one wedding where it was a 'wrong side of the tracks' kind of girl marrying a West Side boy. One side looked ridiculous with their poor attemps to cover tattoos in gaudy dresses with mis-matched shoes while the other side appeared rife with dissaproval and upturned noses. The icing on the cake was when the bride whipped off her wedding dress, in full view, donned a sunflower covered sundress and continued to rip up the dance floor with her pre-1986 moves.

And then there are the couples who adore themselves so much that they go slightly overboard on everyone's own generosity at adoring them for the day. In one case, the couple had had a videographer record everything from the morning on. The bride getting ready, the groom nervous in his hotel room, the pre-wedding photos, the ceremony etc etc. So here these poor guests are just wanting some food and wine when the couple proceeds to set up a projector and show the video thus far. That's right. The guests had to sit through an hour and a half of video - most of which was the ceremony - THAT THEY HAD JUST BEEN AT!!!!! Talk about overboard.

But I digress. The point of this post was to apologize to those poor banquet servers that I have yelled at. Yes, yelled at. I feel so bad, especially since I used to be a server. But having been a server I get the ettiquette and I can't help but become bitchy bridesmaid when servers are being retards. One of the famed weddings was at this huge open area in an art gallery. Because it was a New Year's wedding staff was hard to come by, or so I assume, and there were these little old ladies serving us dinner. We all felt terrrible - it was if our grandmothers were giving us wine. So needless to say, the service was slightly slow, slightly clumsy and SUPER loud. So when during the speeches all I could hear was the CLANK CLANK of dishes being collected I sort of lost it. Not that i yelled at the nannies, more their boss, but seriously? When the head table can't hear the speech over the clamouring of dishes you know something is wrong.

And at the latest shi-shi wedding, we had to travel through the kitchen to get to the room where the ceremony was being held. Whatever. Just after the grandmothers had walked down the aisle (and the room was all a hush in anticipation) the kitchen staff insisted on moving dishes. CLANK CLANK CLANK!! I am standing there, arms linked with the best man, trying to listen to the music drifting from the sting quartet that is being drowned out by dishes! Seriously, are they blind? Can they not see we are about to walk down the aisle?? So I leave my post and march into the kitchen all purple dress and pretty bouqet, shusshing people. Yes, shusshing. I am ashamed that I was so harsh - but really, can you blame me? The bride glanced at me with deep appreciation (and some new admiration of my power skills) in her eyes and mouthed 'thank-you'. She was too nice to say anything - so another duty of being a bridesmaid is to pull out the bitch.

But I do apologize to any servers, not just at weddings, that I am rude to. I just have this thing about customer service. Sorry - you do a thankless job and don't get paid nearly enough. I will never be rude again. Okay, i will try not to be rude ever again . . . . .

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