The non-bride wedding planner

Crap! I have accomplished nothing today! Nothing!!!!! I am waiting to find out if I made the top-five finalist for hosting CMT - which has me on edge in this highly annoying way. It's worse because it isn't even technically an acting job nor is it soley for actors. The thing about being an actress is you have to just let it go. Let it go! I am very good at letting it go (unfortunately I have lots of practice) but with this thing my mind is racing all over the place. Did I want it bad enough? Is the universe responding to my lack of enthusiasm at spending the summer away from Vancouver and living in Toronto for three months (ugh, no offense Torontonians but nothing beats a West Coast summer)? Should I have voted for myself more? Do I look too much like one of the other hosts? Did I even want this job? Do I want to be a host or an actor? YES! Of course I wanted this job! it pays!!! Lots. Crap. I hate losing out to non-actors or newbie actors who haven't even entered the real world yet.

So I accomplished nothing except watching some TV upside down and working out. I also planned my wedding today. That's right, I planned my fictional, non-exisitant wedding. I don't know why we girls do this, but we do (or I hope WE do, is it just me??). The thing about being a bridesmaid ALOT and going to tons of weddings is that with each year I get older and with each new wedding under my belt, I can't help but wonder: when will it be me? Ugh.

And with all these weddings that I go to, I have one conclusion: they are all the same!! So it is up to me (and my mum who gave me instructions to throw a different sort of wedding) to take the road not taken and do something unusual. Check. Today I planned a wedding in a Scottish castle, also I planned one in a barn in Alberta, and then there is the Paris wedding (very hard to do if you are not French). And now I am out of ideas. I am also fresh out of fiance. Wait, I never had a fiance to be out of but I do have a boyfriend who also plans 'our/his' wedding with me until we both stop, shut up and realize we are talking about our fictional, non-exsistant wedding that may or may not happen between us in the next two years.

I did something to my poor boyfriend, the engineer, this weekend that really does give him reason to run screaming for the door. I went to this wine club party and before i knew it, I told people we were engaged!!!! One minute I was talking real estate and the next thing I knew was these words were pouring out of me (I could blame the Merlot but this is after one glass!!). Words like 'engaged' 'getting married' 'how will we fit into my apartment as a married couple' kind of words! GAH! One guy asked when we were getting married, I told him next year and then retracted that statement and said 2009. The crazy (and somewhat sad) thing is that it didn't stop there! NO! Three hours later (this time FOR SURE fuelled with Merlot) I told this other group that I was getting married. They asked where my ring was. I sadly looked down and said at the cleaners. THE CLEANERS!!!!! Luckily the engineer was not at this party, but I merlot-emailed him later to tell him that i said some shameless things at the party. When i was able to finally talk to him, he just laughed and said I was an idiot. He also asked what happens when we go to the next wine party TO-GET-HER? Oooops. Clearly we are not going together EVER.

But he didn't deny the upcoming nuptuals. Muhahahahahaha. Paris or Barn Party??