Thursday, June 12, 2008

The Tanning Salon

In preparation for my travels to Cuba to be bridesmaid #7, I have decided to forgo the tanning cream and hit the fake 'n bake.  Which is really stupid when you think about it.  I don't want to get a sunburn in Cuba so I am pre-heating myself.  If I was going to start smoking would I hang out with smokers to get my lungs ready?  Actually, maybe I would.

Anyhoo, I trotted off the the tanning salon in which I get my slightly darker-white fix in the stand up beds.  I like these bed because they are (a) fast (b) I can dance in them and (c) I don't feel like I am getting into a coffin.  If you have never been in a stand-up, I think you should try it.  You go in, the fan turns on and blows your hair like a rockstar, the  music is playing and you hold on to these handles to get an even tan - all the while dancing.  Very fun.

The one thing I don't do when tanning is use those tan creams.  I think they are ridiculously expensive for smelly cream and I don't think they do anything.  My friend told me that baby oil works just as well.  But isn't that what they used in the 60's to tan with and now all those ladies look like wrinkled prunes?  Well, I got some anyways.  And let me tell you frankly:  baby oil (I got baby gel actually) and tanning DO NOT MIX.

First, baby oil is oily.  Obviously.  It is heck to get off.  Not only was I sticky/shiney after getting out, but it wouldn't come off.  I rubbed myself with the towel. I showered. I went in the pool for crying out loud.  The stuff stays on!  I am a sticky, oily, baby-smelling mess.  

With a sunburn.

Oil + fake sun = sunburn

I am an itchy lobster skinned, oil slicked girl.

Back to the tanning cream . . . .  


Anonymous said...

Um, yes... that would be baby LOTION. Sorry Sarah.

Anonymous said...

I mean Stella.

Anonymous said...

Crap. Sorry. Can't delete comments!! EEK.