Therefore, on the advice of Jennifer Hudson and the Duchess of York, I turned to the fool proof plan of Weight Watchers. It really is idiot-proof. All you do is plug in what you eat, it gives you food points and if you go above your daily allocation of 24 points then you will be fat.
I highly enjoy the activity points because you can swap them for fun food points. Ate a boston cream donut? No problem! Swap an hour's worth of training for donut points! Hurrah! It's like shopping and swapping money for fun things.
I did great in my first week. I piled on those activity points like no one's business. I also stayed within the allocated 24 points. Mostly.
Now, five weeks into the program, I seem to fall off the wagon a teeny bit more often.
One thing I happily discovered is that I can eat 60 Goldfish crackers at 3 points. PERFECT. I love those cheesy things. I carry them in zippie bags for my purse and my glove compartment when hunger strikes.
Quite proud of myself actually.
Until the other day when I was with my friend and her two-year old. The two-year old also gets a zippie of goldfish crackers. We took her to the park where I noticed a four year old with a zippie of goldfish crackers too. Apparently I am a toddler.
There is another thing wrong with eating goldfish crackers.
I can eat a whole bunch of these suckers for 3 points BUT salmon sashimi is 8 points? What the what? 8 points is a third of my daily intake?!?!?! And isn't salmon sashimi good for you? It's ACTUAL fish. Not cheddar rendered crispy things.
I feel I should be encouraged to eat healthy and nutritious food - not empty calories.
I have also started lying to Weight Watchers. AKA myself.
For example, the Engineer was craving a cake the other day. So I baked one. When I discovered that a piece of chocolate cake was a whopping 16 points (confusion here: Boston Cream Donut = 6 points, Cinnamon Bun = 7 points, Butter Croissant: 6 points - HOW is a piece of cake worth 16? And how is salmon worth 8?) I may or may not have (a) chosen the point value of a weight watchers brand frozen dessert at 3 points and (b) not told weight watchers that I had two pieces.
Then we had salmon for dinner. A serving of salmon is 10 points. WHAT THE WHAT? So I told Weight Watchers I ate halibut.
Basically, on Weight Watchers I could technically eat a Boston Cream Donut for breakfast, lunch and dinner for an entire year but still come in at 24 points a day.
The point of this story?
Diets make liars and cheaters of us all. I am going back to my life of eating healthy, nutritious food that may have high points value but is good for my body. And I will go back to thinking I can only have one donut or cinnamon bun every two weeks instead of everyday.
The Duchess of York is shady. I should have known.