Friday, June 12, 2009

The Mom Translator

Alas, I must apologize for my lack of entries that I know you all look forward to eagerly (ha!) but I am back at the keyboard so fear no more!  Okay, enough of that.  Here we go . . . 

For my entire life, my mother has always said things wrong.  Cool things like celebrity names, designer brands, and mainstream stores.  For example, she calls 'La Senza' 'La Stenza' - even though I have been correcting her for 15 years.  I had a boyfriend named Russ and she always called him Ross.  But then called Ross on Friends Russ.  Go figure.

SNL did a HILARIOUS parody (I would link it but poor Canadians can't watch US TV online) called 'The Mom Translator".  Basically, it is a product similar to those Japanese computer translators where you enter the Japanese word to get the English translation (my saviour in Japan) except instead of 'oishi' (to get delicious) you type in the name your mom is giving you (Keith Ragu) and the random facts she knows about the celebrity (he's a man, in a fast movie) and you get Keanu Reeves.  That is a run-on sentence.

The Engineer and I lol'd for quite some time over this.  I said I needed that for my mom.  Then the Engineer said he needed it for me!  WHAT?  

Okay fine, I admit it.  I often use words wrong or sort of make them up hoping no one will notice my folly.  The Engineer always notices and then points it out.  Thanks.  But celebrity names?  Have I turned in to my mother?

And then this happened:

Mom:  That guy is going to be in a play. That old one.  You know.  He's old.  He's British?
Sarah:  Ian McKellen?
Mom:  Yes!  The wizard.
The Engineer:  How was the show last night?
Mom:  We saw Jane Fonda.  I talked to her after.  And then that guy was in it.  The son of that guy.  What's his name?
Sarah:  Tim Hanks's son
The Engineer:  Tim Hanks?
Sarah:  I didn't say Tim, I said Tom
The Engineer/Mom:  No, you said Tim

Oh god.  I have turned into my mother!  I need the mom translator!!  I also should note that I had just shown my mum SNL's skit and we both were laughing.  And then I turned into my mother while making fun of her.  GAH!

Meh, it was bound to happen at some point.  I used to be hip to all celebrity gossip and now I don't even know who starred in Twilight.  I watched the MTV movie awards and I didn't know half the people!  When did that happen?

Here are some more examples from my mum, and I am not this bad.  Yet.  (these are from yesterday)

- she wanted me to try on some Dolce and Gribbina glasses
- we were in a strip mall and she says, "this place has a cute name, like Monkey Banana or Banana monkeys or something like that"  The name?  Short Pants Mall.  "I said it was something like that".  Yeah, banana and pants are easy to mix up.

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